I just feel sad this evening. It just happened. I just started crying. I was trying to compose an email to my friend thanking her for thinking of me during her Morrisons shopping trip and just felt sad. I felt sad for not being able to spend time with people who I want to.
I also felt sad because I felt stupid today. I didn’t understand something someone said to me in Spanish. They tried to repeat it in a different way but I didn’t get it. When this happens, people look at you and give up as if you are really stupid. I wanted to say that I wasn’t stupid, I just don’t understand your words and I don’t know those words in Spanish.
I want to write and say that I am having the time of my life. That I feel so happy, doing what I came here for, helping lots of people, making a difference, changing the World, fulfilling dreams, BUT I don’t really feel like that today. I know it is just a feeling for today. And also because I have just moved to a new place, I am in that “settling in time”. I am getting to know people here, getting to know the City and people are getting to know me. There are many more people for me to get to know. Part of me feels really reluctant because I just don’t feel very strong. I don’t have any more space in my heart for any more people. I don’t want to get to know new people because it will hurt too much to leave, however I do love having new friends!
I read this amazing quote on the Order of Service for the funeral of an amazing 99 year old woman…
“When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you will see in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight”
I am thankful that I have got so many great people in my life and they are a “delight” to me. I know deep down that I am in the right place for now. I know that in my weaknesses, I have to rely on God’s strength and hope something of him, shines through me.
Well, I guess I will wake up with puffy eyes in the morning and have to go to school and face lots of energised children. Often working with children is a great cure for when you feel sad. They do bring great joy!